'feelings'

I may be a bitchy bitchy disabled woman ....at times...but I do hold very dear my FEELINGS.  In other words they are my OWN.  No one can tell me how to FEEL.  They may tell me how to 'behave', i.e.  lower my tone, shut up, and they might be right to do so...but what is in my heart, is in my heart. ...

Now why would I be going on like this?  ADVICE.  Sometimes other people's advice about how one should FEEL is really only someone trying to order you about, have power over you, or deny you.

So that is why I got so annoyed about being told I was 'lucky' to have a PA for 3 hours per week, because that person wanted me to FEEL grateful.  So she was advising on how I should FEEL.  No one should do that to anyone.

On my facebook page someone has posted some words of stephen hawkings who is giving HIS advice on feeling.  This time it's about 'regret'. don't 'regret' what your disability won't let you do, rejoice in what you can do...' Yeh well Stephen, either I've not 'progressed' in my 'disability' identity i.e accepted it, or I'm a complete failure.

I DO regret, I do regret, I do regret. Those feelings are mine and no-one can tell me NOT to regret.

I have a neurological PROGRESSIVE condition. I ain't going to get better.  I rejoice I can see, I can ride my scooter, I can watch TV...but I regret very much the loss of my job, the loss of my income, the loss of my home in London (sold 'cos of the 56 steps up to it - no lift) .

I may lose alot over the next months, years but one thing I ain't going to lose....thats my right to feel feelings. I will FEEL whatever I feel.  Rage, anger, regret, sadness, happiness, love.  I will however endeavour to cull all bad 'behaviour' that might ensue, e.g I won't hit anyone, scream at anyone (as best I can) or speak ill of anyone.

I will challange anyone, anything, law, process, beaurocracy, that creates those feelings I should not have to carry. Gratitude being one!  resignation another, capitualation, submission, lucky,

Get my drift?

Do-gooders give advice on feelings...
Real people, good professionals, hear them, listen, and write it down in their notes as genuine.

if I feel angry, I AM angry,
if I regret , I regret
If I don't feel 'lucky' , I don't feel lucky
etc. 

So Stephen and the Parkinson's nurse. Walk a mile in my mocassins before opening your mouth. Or should I say 'wheel a mile in my wheelchair...?' (Oh Stephen probably has....but he's not ME, so HIS feelings about regret, are his, don't foist them on me)